Washington DC

I was looking through Mario's phone today to get pictures of scout camp.  I came across our DC pictures and realized I never blogged about our trip to Washington DC in June.

Mario got a work email sent to my phone for some reason.  I opened it up and saw that the military was looking for few people to go TDY to DC for a few days to attend a seminar. I got really excited and asked Mario to apply so that I could go too.  He didn't want to apply because it had a lot of prep work before the seminar and he was busy applying for an ROTC command job.  I begged him to apply anyway.  He finally called and asked for the info to apply but never sent in his application.  A couple weeks later, he received an email saying he had been selected to attend the seminar.  He called me from work one day and said, "Heavenly Father must really want you to go to DC because I was selected without even applying."  

I was so excited.  We had been sealed in the DC temple 22 years ago and have only been back once and the temple was closed for cleaning that week.  So this was my chance to go back to that temple.  Eric was available to watch the boys Friday thru Sunday morning but was leaving Sunday morning for Kansas City.  So we hired Savana Moore to come watch the boys Sunday morning thru Monday afternoon when Eric would be back.  Then I flew home Tuesday morning and Mario stayed until his class was done on Wednesday.

Mario's old Bishop from Miami lives there now and so he offed to let us stay at his home.  So we stayed with his family Friday and Saturday night until we could move into a military paid hotel on Sunday night.  What a wonderful family.  I loved the Carleton's.  I had only briefly met them twice before, but I feel like I must have known them in the pre-existence.  There was something that was so familiar about them.  I felt like I had known them my whole life.  They had such a huge impact on Mario in his youth.  I think it is very possible that I knew them before coming to earth.  I don't know if I have ever felt that way before about anyone.

They loaned us their nice bikes and car and set us loose on the city.  That was the perfect way to see the sites.  They just happened to have a temple trip set up for the singles ward that he's the Bishop of right now on Saturday morning.  So we attended the temple with them.  What a wonderful experience to be back in that temple.  I was nervous because the temple lost power that morning and was running on generator. But they didn't cancel our session, thank goodness.

Some highlights from our trip were going to the temple, eating at a Cuban restaurant with the Carletons, my 35+ mile (beautiful) bike ride to Mount Vernon by myself while Mario was in class, seeing pandas at the National Zoo, and eating at a Brazilian steakhouse in downtown DC.

I can't express enough gratitude for the Carleton family.  They were instrumental in keeping Mario on the straight and narrow path.  Sister Carleton was pregnant and on bed rest with her sixth child I think when Mario went to live with their family as a teenager. She could have easily told him that he couldn't stay but she took him in and showed him a wonderful example of a good LDS family.  I am forever thankful.  I told her that I think they changed the whole trajectory of his life with their selfless act.

5 Temples in 5 States

The boys turned 12 in December.  We were headed to Florida that month so we decided to make Orlando their first temple.  The boys think we went to Winter Quarter's here in Omaha next.  I can't remember and I don't think I have a picture.  But then they went to the temple in Hawaii in April, the Kansas City temple in May and the Nauvoo in July.  So five temples in five states since their birthday.  Unfortunately they didn't get to go to the Washington DC temple with us when we went in June.  I'm so thankful to share our love of the temple with these boys.

Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease by Elder Bednar

I can't even begin to express my love for the Mormon Channel app on my phone.  It is how I prepared to lose Erin.  I listened to the Enduring it Well series all the time.  It is a series about normal people who have had to endure great challenges like cancer, September 11, losing a child, etc.  All of these people recognized that growth came from their afflictions.  None of them necessarily wanted to go thru the same trial again, but many or most said they wouldn't change anything because of the growth.  They had become closer to the people Heavenly Father wanted and needed them to be if they were to have eternal life.

Yesterday, I walked the lake by myself because Becky moved to Boise on Monday.  I put in my earphones and listened to a series called Why I Believe. He was interviewing a woman who had gone thru cancer twice at the ages of 3 and 7.  It was so uplifting to hear her story and her testimony.  She had talked about how her mother taught her that she could focus on the abundance in her life or she could put her focus on the lack.  She chooses to focus on the abundance and that is what I have tried to do the past year.  I have been blessed with four beautiful children.  All four are a great blessing to me.  And I haven't lost Erin.  She is very close and I will one day get to finish raising her.

Anyway, after listening to that interview, I switched it the live broadcast on the Mormon channel and caught the last half of Elder Bednar's conference talk from 2014.  It is a wonderful talk with so many beautiful truths.  They have made a Mormon Message from his talk about the truck that is stuck in the snow.  It is a family favorite.  But it's been while since I heard the original talk so I really enjoyed it.  Some things stuck out and I want to put them here so I can always remember his inspired words.

"Each of us also carries a load. Our individual load is comprised of demands and opportunities, obligations and privileges, afflictions and blessings, and options and constraints. Two guiding questions can be helpful as we periodically and prayerfully assess our load: “Is the load I am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ on the strait and narrow path and avoid getting stuck? Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?”

Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness....

Recall the Savior’s statement “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30) as we consider the next verse in the account of Alma and his people.

“And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs” (Mosiah 24:14).

Many of us may assume this scripture is suggesting that a burden suddenly and permanently will be taken away. The next verse, however, describes how the burden was eased.

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15; emphasis added).

The challenges and difficulties were not immediately removed from the people. But Alma and his followers were strengthened, and their increased capacity made the burdens lighter. These good people were empowered through the Atonement to act as agents (see D&C 58:26–29) and impact their circumstances. And “in the strength of the Lord” (Words of Mormon 1:14; Mosiah 9:17; 10:10; Alma 20:4), Alma and his people were directed to safety in the land of Zarahemla.

Not only does the Atonement of Jesus Christ overcome the effects of the Fall of Adam and make possible the remission of our individual sins and transgressions, but His Atonement also enables us to do good and become better in ways that stretch far beyond our mortal capacities. Most of us know that when we do things wrong and need help to overcome the effects of sin in our lives, the Savior has made it possible for us to become clean through His redeeming power. But do we also understand that the Atonement is for faithful men and women who are obedient, worthy, and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully? I wonder if we fail to fully acknowledge this strengthening aspect of the Atonement in our lives and mistakenly believe we must carry our load all alone—through sheer grit, willpower, and discipline and with our obviously limited capacities....

The Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities—but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us.

There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice (see Alma 34:14), He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power. Indeed, His yoke is easy and His burden is light."

I especially love the above two paragraphs.  How grateful that I don't have to try to make it through this life alone.  I have a Savior that knows me, that understands what I have gone through this past year and who has eased my burdens.  He can't take away my burden, but he has sure made it lighter.

Erin's Temple Work

We had to wait a year to do Erin's temple work.  So Friday morning, my friend Ilise Walker went up to the temple with me so we could do her initiatory.  I thought about doing it in the Kansas City Temple while I was there but figured I may be emotional and it would be good to have a friend there for support.  So I waited and did it at the Winter Quarter's Temple.  It was emotional but also a wonderful opportunity to do this work for her.  I am so grateful for the promises that are made to us in the initatory.  Those promises brought me great comfort when Mario was deployed to Afghanistan.  We planned to do her endowment on Saturday evening when Mario was back from scout camp.  Several friends joined us that night.  Becky had to leave youth conference in Nauvoo early to be at the temple in time.  Robyn Stephen wanted to leave early with her but she felt she couldn't leave her youth who hadn't done their baptisms yet.  I think she made the right decision. But her husband, Thomas, came.  Lindsey and Greg Anderson, Becky and Chris Jones, Robert Walker, and Pat Flynn all attended as well.  Craig and Kathleen Walquest didn't know we were doing her endowments that night but just felt they should go to the temple, so they were there to support us as well.

Before Saturday night, there was one other time that I had felt the spirit that strongly in the temple.  It was when Eric and I went to the Mesa, Arizona temple to the baptisms for my grandfather, Poppie and for my mother's aunt, Lottie.  I just knew that one or both of them was anxiously awaiting that day and were excited about their work being done.  I hoped that I felt the spirit as strongly doing Erin's work and I wasn't disappointed.  One of the temple workers didn't know she was my daughter and she made the comment that she could feel her very strongly with us.  That got me emotional right from the start.  I sat down in my chair and prayed hard that I would be able to feel her close.  I felt the spirit strongly during the entire session but it became even stronger as we neared the end.  I felt Erin's anxiousness to get to the end.  I hear about people's bosoms burning. That is exactly what I felt.  And then my heart started to race as the time got closer to the end.  I was grateful for that experience.  I know the veil is thinnest in the temple and I am grateful for the spiritual experiences I had that evening.  I burst into the celestial room sobbing where Mario and all my friends were waiting.  I am sure they didn't what to think. I wasn't crying out of sadness.  It was more the joy I felt as I finished that important work for her.  I won't lie, it was hard because of all the emotions.  But I am so grateful I was able to do the endowments for her.  That was the last step since she has already been sealed to our family.

We miss her like crazy but we know that we will be an eternal family.  That lessens the pain.  I love the gospel.  I love the knowledge I have been given from an early age.  I love the plan of salvation and to know that I will see her again and it will be a glorious time and this earth life time will seem like such a small moment when I finally do see her.  What a blessing!

Kansas City

While Mario and the boys were at scout camp last week, Melissa and I met up in Kansas City for a couple days.  Eric and I were planning to go down to her house for a few days but Eric's summer class and work got in the way of those plans.  We rented a hotel room and Melissa found a couple Groupons for movie, food, and an escape room.  I had never heard of an escape room but apparently it is the trendy thing to do these days.  They lock you in a room and you have to look for clues to unlock doors to escape. It sounded a little sketchy but it was a lot of fun.  We were paired up with a couple celebrating their anniversary.  We worked really well together and broke out in about 45 minutes.  They give you an hour to try.  I loved it and came home and booked an escape room for Eric's birthday next week.

It was a lot of fun just hanging out with Melissa.  We normally do everything with kids so haven't had time alone like that in I don't know how long, if ever.  Besides movie and escape room, we ate and ate and ate some more.  It was the perfect girls' trip.  I wish we lived closer so we could do this more often.  I'm thankful to have a sister.  She is a wonderful mother and role model.

First Anniversary

I had been warned that the "firsts" of everything will be really difficult after the death of a child.  Fortunately none of the firsts had been too difficult.  I would

say for me, Mother's Day was the hardest.  But that all changed the week leading up to the first anniversary of Erin's passing.  Friends started emailing and texting to offer their support and that combined with the stress of researching 25 possible ROTC jobs for next summer made me an emotional mess.  I even went to the ER thinking I was possibly having a heart attack.  All week long, I kept thinking of Erin's last week and what we had done as a family that week.  Fortunately we had spent that last week on vacation at the beach.  We had so much fun surfing, exploring castles, hiking, and playing on the natural rock slides.  It was a wonderful week.  So at least I had some really happy memories. What a tender mercy.

I don't really know what you're supposed to do on the first anniversary.  It is not a time to celebrate so how do you handle that day/week?  Unfortunately, we don't have family closeby but our good friends have made up the difference.  They have spent the entire week serving our family.  We have had more game nights than I can count, pizza dinners, swimming, walking, shopping, trips to the park, the color run, and many other activities. We could not have asked for better friends who have helped ease our pain.  

Today, I attended Sacrament meeting  with another ward because my friend Becky was speaking.  I had dreaded going to church with my branch because I was afraid I would cry if anyone talked to me.  Then I spent the afternoon watching a movie with Eric and playing games with Mario and the kids.  We learned a new game, "Cover Your Assets" that is super fun and has become a family favorite.  

Nate and I made a box of brownies that Erin had bought in Spain.  It expired last October but I didn't have the heart to throw the box away.  They turned out to be delicious.  I remember how Erin would buy all these cookie and brownie kits there and the directions were all in Spanish and we'd have to use google translate to try to figure out the ingredients and directions.  We would have to covert the measurements from grams to ounces which was always a challenge. The oven was always a problem because they work differently in Spain so I couldn't quite figure out the right settings and time.  What fond memories I have with Erin trying to bake in Spain (if you can even call that baking when it is from a kit.) I miss her baking and cooking.  Fortunately, all her brothers  have taken over that duty. Even Eric enjoys baking cookies.  

Tonight, Chris Jones will make us a big Asian dinner.  He is an amazing chef so that will be delicious.

It's been a very difficult week and as Mario said to my dad, "Terri cries at the drop of a hat."  That has been true this week but I think I deserve some time to be sad so that is ok.  I'm hoping tomorrow will begin a new chapter and I can focus again on serving others and being a light to others who are suffering.  But I'm truly thankful for all those that served me this week.

I came home to this long note and a bag full of yummy cookies.  They were from a couple of Erin's friends in another ward. 

.  Here's Nate baking Erin's brownies:

Here's Zach reading a bedtime story to Lindsey's son, Maddux.  I know he is going to make a wonderful father. 

Nate and I made teddy bears for a family that lost their mother last year.  She left behind 3 small children.  He has such a gentle heart.  

 Here's a sampling of texts I have received from friends:

We miss you Erin!  We love you and look forward to the day we are reunited.  We've been promised that this time apart will feel as only a small moment.  I believe that to be true.

Color Run 2016

Erin ran the Omaha Colorfoam Run two summers ago with several friends.  Nate and Zach ran too.  A couple months ago, a friend told me that one of Erin's best friends, Cora, was coming back from

Minnesota to run the race with some friends in Erin's memory.  Becky, Lindsey, Nate, and Zach wanted to run too.  I stayed back with Mario and watched the kids just like we did 2 years ago. I thought it would be hard to go watch but our friends have been wonderful this week and have tried to make it as painless as possible.  We are so blessed to have good friends who love us and Erin.