I had been warned that the "firsts" of everything will be really difficult after the death of a child. Fortunately none of the firsts had been too difficult. I would
say for me, Mother's Day was the hardest. But that all changed the week leading up to the first anniversary of Erin's passing. Friends started emailing and texting to offer their support and that combined with the stress of researching 25 possible ROTC jobs for next summer made me an emotional mess. I even went to the ER thinking I was possibly having a heart attack. All week long, I kept thinking of Erin's last week and what we had done as a family that week. Fortunately we had spent that last week on vacation at the beach. We had so much fun surfing, exploring castles, hiking, and playing on the natural rock slides. It was a wonderful week. So at least I had some really happy memories. What a tender mercy.
I don't really know what you're supposed to do on the first anniversary. It is not a time to celebrate so how do you handle that day/week? Unfortunately, we don't have family closeby but our good friends have made up the difference. They have spent the entire week serving our family. We have had more game nights than I can count, pizza dinners, swimming, walking, shopping, trips to the park, the color run, and many other activities. We could not have asked for better friends who have helped ease our pain.
Today, I attended Sacrament meeting with another ward because my friend Becky was speaking. I had dreaded going to church with my branch because I was afraid I would cry if anyone talked to me. Then I spent the afternoon watching a movie with Eric and playing games with Mario and the kids. We learned a new game, "Cover Your Assets" that is super fun and has become a family favorite.
Nate and I made a box of brownies that Erin had bought in Spain. It expired last October but I didn't have the heart to throw the box away. They turned out to be delicious. I remember how Erin would buy all these cookie and brownie kits there and the directions were all in Spanish and we'd have to use google translate to try to figure out the ingredients and directions. We would have to covert the measurements from grams to ounces which was always a challenge. The oven was always a problem because they work differently in Spain so I couldn't quite figure out the right settings and time. What fond memories I have with Erin trying to bake in Spain (if you can even call that baking when it is from a kit.) I miss her baking and cooking. Fortunately, all her brothers have taken over that duty. Even Eric enjoys baking cookies.
Tonight, Chris Jones will make us a big Asian dinner. He is an amazing chef so that will be delicious.
It's been a very difficult week and as Mario said to my dad, "Terri cries at the drop of a hat." That has been true this week but I think I deserve some time to be sad so that is ok. I'm hoping tomorrow will begin a new chapter and I can focus again on serving others and being a light to others who are suffering. But I'm truly thankful for all those that served me this week.
I came home to this long note and a bag full of yummy cookies. They were from a couple of Erin's friends in another ward. 
. Here's Nate baking Erin's brownies:
Here's Zach reading a bedtime story to Lindsey's son, Maddux. I know he is going to make a wonderful father.
Nate and I made teddy bears for a family that lost their mother last year. She left behind 3 small children. He has such a gentle heart.
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